Thursday, April 18, 2013

What happens when a mother takes her life

A mother's number one job is to protect her children from harm.

She is who they draw their strength from.

She is their comfort. Their everything.

What happens when a mother feels so helpless? Who does she turn to?

Her children bring her such joy, but when is that not enough?

What is going through the mind of a lost soul? Where is the line blurred? When is the line so out of focus that it is crossed? Forever.

It's unimaginable. The ultimate betrayal to a child. The mother leaves this world by her own hands. She drifts into sleep. Forever.

Who is left to pick up the pieces of a child's broken heart? Their crushed souls that are crumbled into tiny little pieces never to be put together the same again.

No one.

No matter how many people love and comfort the children, there is no replacement.

There will always be a void that no other person can fill.

Not a father.
Not a sister.
Not a brother.
Not an aunt.
Not an uncle.
Not even a grandparent.

A decision perhaps in desperation that can never be taken back.

No one will never know why, but the question will always linger . . . what could I have done?

I will never know the demons that she fought, but I will do my best by the children she left behind. I will remind them every day that they are loved.


Just two days ago, I received a phone call that my (step*) niece's mother was in the hospital. We later found out that she had overdosed on prescription pills. With what was found, it was no accident. Today we received news that she is brain dead. She was taken off life support, and passed this afternoon.The family has decided to donate her organs; which is the best gift you can give to another family. Although I did not know her mother personally, I am extremely sad. Sad for many reasons. I'm extremely sad that she saw no other way out. I'm sad she didn't have anyone to turn to; or to ask for help if she felt like she could not go on. I'm sad for her children, her disabled mother she lived with that will forever have that lasting memory of finding her child unresponsive, and her other family and friends. I'm sad that she left behind a 13 and 11 year old that will always ask why. The 13 year old has a strong support system within our family. However, I worry about the 11 year old that does not know who her father is; nor does she have the same support system. She is autistic and does not have the ability to understand what is going on. She doesn't understand why her mommy won't wake up. She's left sobbing and screaming "my heart is broken!" I will never understand. I am not angry at their mom. I do not know her struggles. I am simply sad.

For anyone that reads this, please share any experience that would help us cope with the situation. If you suspect that anyone you know is struggling, please reach out to them. It might just be what they need to make it through the day.

* I only refer to her as my step niece for clarification for those who might know me. She is my family no matter what.


  1. I'm sorry for your loss. Loosing a parent is one thing, but loosing your Mom at her own hand has to be the hardest thing to live with. From my personal experience with Ryan when both my parents died is to just speak simply to the Autistic child, tell her that her Mom is in heaven and is watching over her. She will never understand, my Ryan still doesn't but it seems to have helped him to cope. He mentions Grandma and Granddad being in heaven everyday. Again I'm truly sorry for your loss.

  2. Thanks Barbara. It's been a trying time for sure. Thanks for the advise.